I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
whose ass print is on the piano?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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