she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
