saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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