Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
