im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
