Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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