I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize