My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
