how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
