Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
