My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
