i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize