It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
