ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize