I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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