She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
