??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
