dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
