My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
