If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
time to smoke my breakfast
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
