DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
should my penis look like a turkey
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
