btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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