the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just cropdusted the office
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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