Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
