Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
