Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize