idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
