Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
