you traded sex for a burrito?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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