its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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