you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
