i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
