Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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