Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
