Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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