I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
