Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
