i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
