His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
