I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
