why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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