Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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