Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
did i just pee glitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
