i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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