Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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