im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
