you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
