you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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