you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
