I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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