I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize