Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
