Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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