How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
