I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
