omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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