omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
