SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
