How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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