rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize