I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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