Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
