I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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