I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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