i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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