Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
