Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He did a backflip because drugs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
