Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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