Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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