So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
