Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
