I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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